so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I want a musical about memes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
