I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
