Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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