found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
