IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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