1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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