I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
