and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
