FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
