We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
