Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
