I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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