he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
