planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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