OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
