I have demons in me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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