Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
