you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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