I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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