...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think people are normalizing furries
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
