i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
