does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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