If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
