I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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