Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
