That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
