A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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