how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
