I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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