I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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