I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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