i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
