Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
