I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
