Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
