didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
