Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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