Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
