Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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