you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
