Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.