The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water