So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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