Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.