He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.