I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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