I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
