My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
