He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
