I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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