I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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