Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
