i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
