he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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