I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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