I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
