The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
