The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize