you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
