I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
4 words: hood of his car
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
