You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The adults are the big ones right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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