so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
