Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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