I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
