She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How naked do you want me to be?