jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize