I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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