This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
