I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
