yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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