Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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