his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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