I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
