He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
