I hate your face
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
